Growing up...

When I was younger I always thought that growing up would be this amazing adventure. If only I were older, if only I were wiser, if only….

Now that I am all grown up, I’m actually none the wiser. I still question things just as much as I did when I was 17. I’m still incredibly unsure of myself and the actions that have taken me to the place where I currently am.

And where am I, exactly? Am I where I thought I would be? In one simple word- No. I thought I’d be bigger, greater, and grander. I thought that I’d be making a difference in the world, impacting it in some way. Instead I feel stuck and frustrated. This isn’t supposed to happen when you grow up. You aren’t supposed to be stuck when you grow up. You are supposed to be able to walk away from anything, go anywhere you want and do whatever you want.

Why is it that I feel just as stuck as I did when I had to go to Algebra with Ms. Roberts everyday for first period for an entire year of high school? Just like back then, I still have to make myself get up and come to this place everyday and I really don’t have a choice.

I miss that dream of my youth. I miss the dream of what it would be like to grow up. What happened to that dream? I need to find a way to get back to that place and dream to find what it is I want to do with my life. Dream to find a way to make a difference and live a complete life.

I need to get back to that place.